niños y adioses

The end of year show rehearsal today and while looking around, trying to give last minute instructions and trying to figure out who needs to go to the toilet, I can't help it but my eyes start watering....
Some people think because I continuously say good bye I've gotten used to it and that somehow it has become easier. I have gotten used to it but it isn't any easier. Maybe a bit easier as I try to think of "so long"s  and not a "good bye"s but this year is different. I've come to a fence where that making that distinction is no longer valid: saying good bye to my children, my dear fasulye.

In this first year that I've worked entirely with children I've learnt more than just a career or a path to be followed. I've learnt, a bit, how beautiful it is to be a child. How pure they can be, how much true love they can give, how clean their world is. And I say a bit since I've learnt to love them. They loved me from the first day. That is beautiful. They love you just because; there isn't a reason why not to do it: you are a person, you are in front of them, they love you....

but I dwell....

The smiles shared every morning, the yells of happiness heard every time they felt like it, the tight hugs they gave us whenever they had a problem, the awe whenever we showed them something new, the satisfaction they showed when they know they've learnt something, their getting comfortable on your lap as someone read them a story, their pride because they can pee standing up now or because they can put on their shoes on, Elif Naz' never ending stories, Demir's animal sounds, Leyla's giggles, Dora's wondering eye, Zeynep's songs, Ulas Ali's hair bouncing as he runs, Lorin's theatrical acts, Selim's cuteness, and on and on and on.. they are all soon to be gone, gone as I wonder: how much do we remember from when we were three?  

is everything forgotten? ... will I be forgotten too?
maybe, but what I've gotten from them is for me and you to share... for a long while to come......

I take so much from them, but what I really want, is that zeal to live this minute, this one now not the next one coming right up,  to the fullest: to run as fast I can, to laugh like a maniac for the smallest of things and cry a river the next instant, to be amazed at a bug, to rejoice at every sound my body can make...

A Hakuna Matata kindergarten style :)